In the Times Bestseller The Four Hour Body, Tim Ferriss outlined the slow-carb diet: a 6-days on and 1-day off diet for easy fat loss without exercising and starving oneself. I tried it for 30 days only concerning myself with the before and after, noting any major changes along the way. Here’s what went down:

Movement

The plan doesn’t stipulate any exercise, nor does it require it. In fact, my activity level was perhaps the worst in was in recent memory since reading period my senior year of college where I handcuffed myself to a couch in the campus coffee shop until I was done writing. My schedule looked something like this:

Monday through Friday

• 9am wakeup.
• 10ish to 7ish—desk time (with 15 minute takeout walk around 2ish, and 5 minute soup pickup around 6, or when hungry.)
• 7ish to 8ish—commute home and errands
• 8ish to 2ish—couch time (still working) and dinner

Saturday through Sunday

• Intermittent spurts of productivity
• Short run or low-intensity bike ride (20-40 minutes)
• Movies, Coding, and Sparticus. From the Couch.
• Seamlessweb.
• 7pm – ?am: Reckless Spending on Various Activities

Diet

Sunday through Monday
(No dietary supplements other than water were used in this.)

• Breakfast (9:15am)
  3 Pete and Gerrys AA organic whole eggs, pan-scrambled coated in non-stick spray. 1/2 can of Whole Foods Organic Black Beans (microwave). Organic Green Salsa (Medium Spicy).
• Lunch (2ish)
  Option 1: Chipotle Burrito Bowl with no rice, Barbacoa Beef or Chicken, black beans, with the following optional mixes: all salsas, sour cream, corn, lettuce, guacamole. Never cheese. Never rice. Never Tortilla.
  Option 2: Sashimi lunch special with soup or salad. No rice.
• Snack (when/if hungry): Lentil Soup or Butternut Squash Soup from Zaro’s Bakery.
• Dinner (9ish)
  Option 1: Salmon with steamed spinach (Whole Foods Frozen). Olive oil and salt.
  Option 2: Gristedes Tunafish salad with steamed spinach and/or mixed vegetables (Whole Foods Frozen).
  Mix-in: Sometimes 1/2 can of black beans or lentils.

Weekday Cheat Meals

1. On weeks 2 and 3: Hill Country BBQ — no bread, but tons of BBQ sauce on lean brisket.
2. On week 4: Skipped dinner, ate 6 or 7 chocolate chip cookies instead with 2 glasses of wine at Book Club

Saturday
Anything and everything.

Results

(measurements taken after morning ritual, including breakfast and morning poo)

• Start: 188.0 lbs
• End: 179.0 lbs
• Today: 180.0, after a week and change on my normal diet

I noticed a reduction in fat around my body, particularly in my neck and waist, and I was back to my normal, healthy body composition. So, yay.

Narrative

The first week is certainly the hardest. In removing carbohydrates, the cravings for bread and rice intensified throughout the week. On my first saturday, I ate four bagels (2 whole wheat, 2 pumpernickel) by myself. Before lunch. The first bagel contained tuna salad. (Did I mention I love tunafish?)

I noticed, however, that I my sweet tooth had lost its edge. During my cheat day, I didn’t have much desire to shovel candy into my welcoming stomach. Other Slow Carbers have noted a change in palette and apparently there’s a scientific explanation for this.

Getting back on the horse on Sunday was easier than I thought it would be, with the second week being much easier than the first. I was still looking forward to my cheat day, but less so than the first week.

That Saturday, I ate two-thirds of a chicken tikka masala pizza from Slice… by myself. Later that night, I had 4 Crumbs Cupcakes in a row followed by a chocolate bar. And then dinner.

The next two weeks were a breeze; a joy, actually: I looked forward to my six days of decisionless dieting and less-so to my cheat day.

On day 31, I weighed myself: 179lbs.

All-in-all, the diet was easy and helped undo the month of Prednisone that added a quick 20lbs to my frame in December. (I would have started earlier, but I was out of the country until mid February and wanted to test this when I had a bit more control on my schedule.)

I don’t think, however, it’s sustainable. One of the reasons I stopped was that, in week five (days 28-31) the carb craving was twice what is was compared to the first week and I couldn’t keep myself from having bread. So, I slowly transitioned back to my old ways which have done well with keeping my physique at a constant.

What’s next?

New York City’s newest transient resident, Andrew Hyde (featured in The Four Hour Body), turned me on to Intermittent Fasting and the Paleolithic Diet. I’ll probably start one of these May 1. In the meantime, I’ve procured enough for a PAGG stack for a month.

Stay tuned.

What I came up with is not strict nor restrictive, but rather a health guideline. I started adhering to these guidelines—because they’re certainly not rules or a plan—at the beginning of the summer and have since lost 4.5 lbs. A simple workout schedule and simple-to-adhere-to life choices accompany a simple diet.

Important to note is that these guidelines are sub-optimal: you’re not going to lose weight or gain strength or be physically healthier than you would following a strict regimen. But, it’s optimal in that it makes eating choices easy and I don’t really have to think about it. I can just do it and see the effects over time.

So, without further ado:

On Timing

• Eat 3-4 times a day. Every day, spaced out from 2-5 hours at a clip. Always eat breakfast within 30 minutes of getting up, even if it’s small.
• No eating 5 hours before bedtime. Don’t give yourself an energy spike before you try to go to sleep.
• Drink plenty of water before you eat and after you eat. Unless you have a long drive ahead of you, drinks lots of water. You’ll feel fuller for longer.

On Consumption

• No High-Fructose Corn Syrup [HFCS]. None. It’s in almost every processed food, so read the ingredients.
• No high incident of artificial crap. If you don’t know what half the ingredients are (and can’t readily pronounce them) don’t eat it. I can almost guarantee HFCS will be in there anyway.
• Eat meat no more than twice a day. Red meat only once, if not less. Make sure it’s from animals that were fed on natural diets and get to roam around on a field and would have been, in anthropomorphic terms, happy. If you don’t know, don’t eat it.
• Follow the same guidelines with animal products. Like milk and cheese and eggs. No more than twice a day. Look for 100% organic stuff from happy animals.
• Go vegetarian for two meals a day. Eat as many vegetables as you want. Don’t hold back. If you’re a man, go easy on the soy. Stay organic whenever possible, even if it costs a touch more.
• Whole-wheat whenever possible. This includes pastas.
• Limit alcohol intake. I shoot for two drinks or fewer when I do.
• Limit soft drinks. Make sure they’re made from Sugar Cane. Stay off anything labeled diet. The sugar calories won’t kill you, the artificial sweeteners might.
• Limit caffeine. I don’t drink any, save for the occasional green tea or PowerGel.
• Never deprive oneself of chocolate or candy. Unless it violates a previous guideline. (Read the ingredients! If you don’t know, don’t eat it!)

On Activity

• Be active 3-4 times a week, for 30-45 minutes at a time. Actually sweat something.
• Kick your ass once a week. Do some intervals or wind sprints. It doesn’t take much.
• Don’t stare at sun-mimicking lights late at night. This includes the TV and your computer. Need to use your computer late at night? Use f.lux.

On Sleep

• Get up at the same time every day. Weekends and weekdays. Nap later if you have to compensate for a late night out. Your body will go to sleep at night when it knows it has to get up at a precise time.
• Shoot for holes in your REM sleep schedule. For me, that’s at 4.5 hours, 6 hours, 7.5 hours, and 9 hours. I aim for 7.5 hours every night.

That’s about it.

For me, these guidelines are really easy to follow and don’t require any calorie counting or spreadsheets or any planning whatsoever. I don’t worry that I’m eating too much or too little or what I’m eating—by setting a healthy bar, my body will tell me when I’m being disobedient and point me in the right direction.

Lastly, feel free to break the guidelines at Weddings, Bar Mitzvahs, and Funerals. If you’re good to yourself most of the time, your body will be able to handle junk every once in a while.

–

I should also note I am not a doctor, nutritionist, or anyone with any state- or federally-sanctioned right to offer this sort of guidance. Your milage may vary.

French writer Antoine de Saint-Exupery once noted: “Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.” If you want to write clearly, limit your writing time. Leaving any extra will sabotage your efforts. Leave less to take away.

While writing hastily might make you wordy, wordiness is easily corrected. Tangents, on the other hand, fed with your time and attention weave themselves into your prose and are much harder to remove. With a strict deadline, you simply don’t waste your time breathing life into these distractions: they’re dead on arrival. Remove them as you would any other word or phase that doesn’t directly contribute to your point.

Be generous with your time and you’ll over-think style choices when you should be focusing on clarity. Instead, force yourself to get to the point: your inner wordsmith will surprise you with its dexterity.

Lastly, remove any jargon or needless words. (Unless you can’t help yourself. Make sure to point out your hypocrisy.)

This post is an edited version of the previous post. I budgeted 5 minutes—it took 12. Forgive me, but I had to get a glass of water to debate whether or not to include this final remark. It ultimately made the cut because I’m tired and would rather go to sleep than ponder this any longer.

French writer Antoine de Saint-Exupery once noted: “Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.” If you want to reduce cruft in your prose, limit your writing time. You’ll get to the point much more quickly when you don’t have time to do much else.

While haste yields wordiness, it’s easily corrected. You’re no longer reigning in ill-born concepts that have threaded themselves deep within your thesis: when you write quickly, those tangents don’t have time to stifle your point for very long. Eradicate them, ruthlessly! Take away anything that doesn’t directly contribute to your point. Rewrite if confusing.

Give yourself too much time to write and you’ll get cute—you’ll be more concerned with style rather than with clarity. But, pressure fosters creativity: force yourself to get to the point and your brain will wordsmith a clever way to express whatever it is you want to say. You might surprise yourself how artful you can be.

This post was rewritten from the former in 10 minutes. How’d I do?

Don’t think too hard—just write it. And publish it. In 10 minutes.

The most difficult part of writing is knowing when you’re done. There’s a famous quote (which this exercise prohibits my diligence in looking up the speaker and the exact quote) that says: “Perfection is achieved not when there’s nothing to add, but when there’s nothing left to take away.” If you want to reduce the cruft in your writing, limit the time in which you have to write it.

The result? Clarity increases. Your points, articulated cleanly, strengthen themselves.

While wordiness may increase due to your haste in expressing yourself, your thought process is not littered with tangents and ill-born concepts that get in the way of your message. Editing then becomes simple: take away anything that doesn’t directly contribute to your point. Rewrite if confusing.

When you give yourself too much time, you get cute. You write sloppily. You think: “oh, there must be a better, more colorful way of saying it.” There might be, but 9 times out of 10 you were better off with the first thing you wrote. Your brain is special like that: the magic comes from forcing yourself to express it quickly and thoroughly, and you will surprise yourself in how artful you can be when you limit the time in which you have to think about the language to use.

This post was written in 9 minutes. How did I do?

For many of us, toilet paper is a singular in purpose, tasked to clean up modest unpleasantries. Though, over the past few months, I have since discovered some interesting—if not unorthodox—uses for this oft-neglected paper product. Turns out it’s more versatile and inexpensive than many its alternatives. To wit:

1. Whiteboard eraser 

Toilet paper is far superior to whiteboard erasers:

1. Toilet paper is a joy to hold. Erasers are not. The soft, round form-factor of a roll trumps its plastic counterparts in feel hands down: it’s soft and plushy, accommodates the shape of your hand, and no matter how hard you press it against the whiteboard to rub out stubborn dry-erase marks, it never makes that scratching sound that plagues traditional plastic erasers when pushed to the limit. In addition, ANY surface of the toilet paper is a working edge, whereas the plastic competitor can only erase effectively in one orientation.
2. Toilet paper is typically taller, and thus requires fewer strokes. When you’re working in the fast-paced world of whiteboard-enhanced office environments, seconds count. With TP, you’re cleaner… faster.
3. Toilet paper is far more precise. For small erasures, squares of toilet paper can be manipulated into arbitrarily-small pieces. With plastic erasers, you’re forced to use a corner—and, since companies manufacture them cheaply as possible, they often skimp on the often mission-critical corner erasing material.
4. Toilet paper cleans with consistent quality. When you’re done erasing with toilet paper, you can remove the dirty layer, instantly yielding a clean eraser—every time. Over time, plastic erasers build up stores of dry-erase material and lose their effectiveness.
5. Toilet paper is easily replaceable and accessible, available at any local bathroom or water closet. Plastic erasers need be scrounged for, often lurking in the bowels of office supply closets, or purchased from shelves at the rear of local office supply stores. (To boot, in rural environments, the cost of procurement can be costly due to transportation expenses.)
6. Toilet paper is affordable. High-quality, recyclable toilet paper runs $1.14 a roll when purchased in bulk. Mediocre  whiteboard erasers cost $2.04 in bulk, nearly twice as expensive. Further, my preliminary tests demonstrate that a roll of toilet paper will last longer than one plastic eraser. So, in costs per whiteboards (CPW), toilet paper is far greater than the 2:1 unit cost ratio suggests; In reality, I it’s closer to 3:1.
7. Toilet paper is environmentally friendly and dissolves in water and are recyclable. Plastic erasers, particularly those made from PVC, are more difficult and costly to recycle.

Lastly, by using TP as whiteboard erasers in an office environment, you’re showing your commitment to a cleaner, healthier environment, and publicly displaying your operational pragmatism in employing a cheaper solution than the norm. 

2. Vibration silencer

Office machines, particularly those with fans, tend to develop rattles over time. 

For example, in the NOM offices, we have a standing-unit air conditioner than is dead silent; though, from time-to-time, one of the plastic exterior panels comes a tad loose, creating a rattling sound that is nothing short of infuriating. Though easily rectified with a sharp tap to the side of the unit, many times I’d rather not leave my desk. In these cases, I throw a roll of toilet paper at the problem and the issue is immediately resolved.

To my chagrin, I can think of no other instance where I can utter those words mean them completely, wholly and literally.

3. Coffee/Tea Coasters

Despite the best efforts of our favorite baristas and container designers, sometimes coffee cups and tea cups cannot contain the sweet, sweet warmth of our favorite beverage. If a coaster is unavailable, a square of toilet paper suffices just fine. I recommend 2-ply as it tends to be more absorbent than its single-sheet counterparts.

4. Mini-spills

In the same vein, office spills tend to be small misplaced splashes, and not floods of biblical proportion. Toilet paper is much more environmentally friendly than paper towels given that each tear uses a smaller piece of paper and that the sheets are smaller to begin with. In the case of larger spills, an entire roll can be used if need be, whereas a full roll of paper towels would be more costly and take up more room on a desk.

 
5. Pencil and Sharp-Object Holder

While pencil cups are preferred, a roll of unused TP can be used as a paper cup: just place the pens and pencils inside of the spindle with the flat side perpendicular to the table. If you run out of room, you can easily shove the sharp ends directly in-between the unused, rolled-up sheets. This is particularly useful for exacto blades missing their plastic caps.

As you might have guessed, toilet paper is quickly becoming my new favorite desk accessory. This list is merely the beginning of the uses I have discovered—I will undoubtably find more.

Defense Letter Website: An associate and I created this website in response to the enormous amount of Google traffic that came to this site in search for parking ticket defenses and letters. Please enjoy.

http://www.defenseletters.com/

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June 30th, 2008.

Dearest Parking Violation Judge–

I do hope you find this electronic letter arrives in good fashion. The Post Office has, on occasion, misplaced official correspondence to the US Government, so I chose electronic delivery over more traditional methods to ensure this message’s receipt.

This morning, I parked my father’s car on 35th street, on the south side of the street, directly east of Park Avenue. I deposited the requisite coinage ($2.00) for in Machine #6358 in area 144 at precisely 08:54 AM and then placed the parking receipt on the Driver’s Side Dashboard, as instructed.

The car remained there for 58 minutes while I loaded some artwork and varies sundries into the truck and back seat. Nearing the end of my time, I saw one of your officers approaching my father’s car with a determined look with an electronic parking ticket machine in hand. So, I said hello to the officer. His name, according to my ticket and his badge, is Officer E. Valdivia, and he had a very neatly-trimmed black mustache.

I inquired why he was writing a ticket as I still had a few minutes remaining of paid parking time. He points to the sign and says I am violating the parking rules, confidently noting that the car was “not a commercial vehicle.”

I asked for clarification as to the sign’s language which, for posterity, reads:

NO STANDING
EXCEPT
[C]OMMERCIAL VEHICLES*
METERED PARKING
3 HR LIMIT
7AM-7PM
EXCEPT SUNDAY

*note: I can only assume this word begins with a ‘C’. The sign, as attached to the post, covers the beginning of the word.

This confused me, so I asked for clarification. You see, I used to live on that block and I had asked another parking officer not one month ago if I was allowed to park at that exact location during the day. She, a lovely officer whose name escapes me at the moment, reassured me it was no problem, as the sign is be interpreted as, “No standing expect commercial vehicles OR metered parking.” Meaning, it is a legal parking spot for commercial vehicles or anyone with who paid the meter, commercial or otherwise.

Unfortunately, as Officer Valdivia understood it, the signage should be interpreted with a different reading: parking is valid for commercial vehicles WITH metered parking.

The signage is clearly ambiguous, evidenced by two officers — both responsible for enforcing said signage — who have differing interpretations. If your enforcing officers have no consensus on this signage, how is a reasonable person expected to follow the posted rules? (Particularly a reasonable person who, when unsure, asked an enforcing officer for clarification.)

Speaking directly to my case, I feel I have acted reasonably. I am still unsure what the official ruling is or actual intent of the signage is; but, I feel the point is moot: the signage is ambiguous. As such, I plead not guilty, as it is not clear, even from your enforcing officers, what the rules are.

Additionally, under the “Complainant’s Comments” section of my Notice, it reads, “veh pkg on unattended”. Even the comments section regarding the violation are unclear. Even when expanding the abbreviations (assuming “veh” means “vehicle”, and “pkg” means “parking”), the comment is both grammatically and factually incorrect. If the vehicle were unattended, how would I remember the conversation we had, much less his neatly-trimmed black mustache?

Under the “Signature of Complainant” section, it notes that “If the operator was present I indicated the operator’s name … and personally served this Notice upon him/her.” My name is nowhere to be found on this Notice of Parking Violation, and I was clearly standing there as the ticket was being issued.

I do not mean to get Officer Valdivia in any trouble — he was a very polite and respectful officer — but, just like me, he needs to follow the rules… whatever those rules happen to be. As the rules, in this case, are posted ambiguous, and that the enforcing officer noted my vehicle unattended when it clearly was attended, compels me to plead Not Guilty.

Best regards, and have a happy summer!

Michael E. Gruen

Every time I exit a shower, bath, or pool, I dry myself off in a consistent, particular manner. How did this come about? Do other people use their towels in as a consistent manner as I do? I hope so, because then we can compare towel-usage with heat maps. 

I use three sizes of towels: a bath sheet (60″ × 35″), a bath towel (52″ × 27″) and a hand towel (30″ × 16″). I was curious not only how I was using the towel, but if changing towel size changed the usage pattern. So, I took three showers and dried myself off once with each towel.

The darker areas indicate higher use. The patterns represent both sides of the towel, in aggregate.

Bath Sheet (60″ × 35″):

Bath Towel (52″ × 27″):

Hand Towel (30″ × 16″):

From the maps, we can see I’m a very symmetric towel user, with a focus on the center. I also tend not to evenly utilize my towel’s drying power.

Perhaps I could optimize.

How do you use your towel?

–

My toweling regimen, with a bath sheet:

For me, I grab the towel in the middle on the long-edge, from hook it hangs on, and draw out the length with both hands as one would tie a tie. Then, I pull up over my hair and squeegee my hair, allowing the trailing edge to fall squarely on my shoulders. (If the towel were a cape, I’d be holding the trailing edges at down at 45 degrees out to the side.) Without changing grip, I flip the trailing edge back over my head and rub-dry my scalp. Everything goes dark.

Next, with the towel draped over my head, I grab midway between corners and the middle and pat-dry my face and neck. Then, while my hands slide out towards the corners, I flip the towel behind me, the leading edge around my lower back. The trailing edge that earlier landed on my shoulders flips back over to grace my posterior. Simultaneously, I pull the leading edge into my armpits and close the towel like a jacket around my back, chest, and stomach, and underarms. A quick rubdown absorbs most of the water. If the towel is long enough, I’ll give my nether-regions a preliminary dry.

I loosen the towel’s grip on my chest and slide it down my waist, drying my thighs and everything in between. Loosening again, i quickly wipe away any water on my lower legs, and return the towel to my hips before I get dressed and return the towel to its hook. The bath mat takes care of the under-foot.