Thank You For Not Glassing

Filed under: declarations Topics: ,

Before you buy Google Glass, ask yourself: “Should I start smoking?”

“That’s an unfair comparison!” You’re right, it isn’t fair: Glass is potentially far worse than cigarette smoke.

I’m not going to tell you not to smoke—if you want to kill yourself slowly, painfully, expensively, that’s your prerogative.* But, while I’m merely irritated with second-hand smoke, second-hand glassing poses far greater marginal risk.

It’s the exhaust. The effect of smoke (cigarette exhaust) is obvious, temporary, physical, and immediately remedied. With Glass, the information exhaust—inconspicuous, permanent, virtual, and potentially irreversible—has unknown effect.

At worst, it’s distributed, indexed, searchable, immutable, and immortal Orwellian surveillance. We’d live in constant fear of making our own 47% comment without the fact-checking privileges enjoyed by a public figure.



Happily, there are easy solutions that satisfy both me and your respective addictions. For nicotine, consider vapor e-cigarettes (if you must) or better yet, a nicotine patch. For those sold on Glass, please encourage Google to manufacture options without recording devices.

Ultimately, we should all should be mindful of how our personal choices pollute the space around us and aim to be as considerate of others as possible. This should be plainly obvious, but as our personal technologies meld with our identities (like Drew Carey’s black frames, can you imagine seeing Sergey Brin without Glass now?) we should be especially careful.

*This is a lie. I’m militant about second-hand smoke and am quick to draw: either I’ll ask you to put the cigarette out or that you go somewhere else. All the while, I’m trying not to gag on air that passes over your tar-soaked fabric and am actively resisting the urge to spray your face with Febreze.

5 Things You Need To Know This Morning

Filed under: declarations,rants Topics: ,
  1. There are seldom five things you need to know every morning, much less one thing. News articles and blog posts with this title are merely a ploy for page views, praying on your biological Fear Of Missing Out. Stop giving yourself a reason to be distracted from the work that is important—if the news is important, someone will tell you.

    This advice is true every day of the week.

  2. See above.
  3. See above.
  4. See above.
  5. See above.

Fuck this S***

Lexically-speaking, there’s nothing sexy about t*ts and a**.

Regarding written profanity, I don’t understand when writers X-out a few offending characters when they could talk around the idea with rhetorical wit. Profane words, regardless of obfuscation, still mean the same thing; and yet, for some reason, our internal censors let it go. Worse, writers miss an opportunity to impress their readers.

Personally, I’m not irked by dirty words (however salacious) but I am rather annoyed with the lack of creativity in that their scribes couldn’t find a better way to say it whilst maintaining the conservative sentimentality they clearly want to preserve.

It’s incongruous.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with peppering language with profanity, but it’s often uninspired and cliché. I think to myself, “what the fuck is this shit?” (which should provide some insight into my internal monologue’s maturity level). But, that’s the point: idle thoughts are fleeting; print is forever. And, as a writer, I expect others to put a bit more care into what they print than what they’re thinking about in a given moment.

If you’re going to get dirty and gross, be dirty and gross. Use the words the dictionary affords you. And, for those with the talent, make some up. But, in general, don’t be senseless—censoring your language doesn’t soften its meaning, it just makes you look lazy and, I daresay, stupid.

As the editor-in-chief of The Onion once told me:

There’s nothing like a well-timed fuck.

Special thanks to Elizabeth King for inspiring this post. Her tolerance for my asinine banter is very much appreciated. Read her blog.