Michael E. Gruen

The 4-hour Body Slow-Carb Diet (kind-of) worked for me. 9 lbs in 30 days.

In the Times Bestseller The Four Hour Body, Tim Ferriss outlined the slow-carb diet: a 6-days on and 1-day off diet for easy fat loss without exercising and starving oneself. I tried it for 30 days only concerning myself with the before and after, noting any major changes along the way. Here’s what went down:

Movement

The plan doesn’t stipulate any exercise, nor does it require it. In fact, my activity level was perhaps the worst in was in recent memory since reading period my senior year of college where I handcuffed myself to a couch in the campus coffee shop until I was done writing. My schedule looked something like this:

Monday through Friday

• 9am wakeup.
• 10ish to 7ish—desk time (with 15 minute takeout walk around 2ish, and 5 minute soup pickup around 6, or when hungry.)
• 7ish to 8ish—commute home and errands
• 8ish to 2ish—couch time (still working) and dinner

Saturday through Sunday

• Intermittent spurts of productivity
• Short run or low-intensity bike ride (20-40 minutes)
• Movies, Coding, and Sparticus. From the Couch.
• Seamlessweb.
• 7pm – ?am: Reckless Spending on Various Activities

Diet

Sunday through Monday
(No dietary supplements other than water were used in this.)

• Breakfast (9:15am)
  3 Pete and Gerrys AA organic whole eggs, pan-scrambled coated in non-stick spray. 1/2 can of Whole Foods Organic Black Beans (microwave). Organic Green Salsa (Medium Spicy).
• Lunch (2ish)
  Option 1: Chipotle Burrito Bowl with no rice, Barbacoa Beef or Chicken, black beans, with the following optional mixes: all salsas, sour cream, corn, lettuce, guacamole. Never cheese. Never rice. Never Tortilla.
  Option 2: Sashimi lunch special with soup or salad. No rice.
• Snack (when/if hungry): Lentil Soup or Butternut Squash Soup from Zaro’s Bakery.
• Dinner (9ish)
  Option 1: Salmon with steamed spinach (Whole Foods Frozen). Olive oil and salt.
  Option 2: Gristedes Tunafish salad with steamed spinach and/or mixed vegetables (Whole Foods Frozen).
  Mix-in: Sometimes 1/2 can of black beans or lentils.

Weekday Cheat Meals

1. On weeks 2 and 3: Hill Country BBQ — no bread, but tons of BBQ sauce on lean brisket.
2. On week 4: Skipped dinner, ate 6 or 7 chocolate chip cookies instead with 2 glasses of wine at Book Club

Saturday
Anything and everything.

Results

(measurements taken after morning ritual, including breakfast and morning poo)

• Start: 188.0 lbs
• End: 179.0 lbs
• Today: 180.0, after a week and change on my normal diet

I noticed a reduction in fat around my body, particularly in my neck and waist, and I was back to my normal, healthy body composition. So, yay.

Narrative

The first week is certainly the hardest. In removing carbohydrates, the cravings for bread and rice intensified throughout the week. On my first saturday, I ate four bagels (2 whole wheat, 2 pumpernickel) by myself. Before lunch. The first bagel contained tuna salad. (Did I mention I love tunafish?)

I noticed, however, that I my sweet tooth had lost its edge. During my cheat day, I didn’t have much desire to shovel candy into my welcoming stomach. Other Slow Carbers have noted a change in palette and apparently there’s a scientific explanation for this.

Getting back on the horse on Sunday was easier than I thought it would be, with the second week being much easier than the first. I was still looking forward to my cheat day, but less so than the first week.

That Saturday, I ate two-thirds of a chicken tikka masala pizza from Slice… by myself. Later that night, I had 4 Crumbs Cupcakes in a row followed by a chocolate bar. And then dinner.

The next two weeks were a breeze; a joy, actually: I looked forward to my six days of decisionless dieting and less-so to my cheat day.

On day 31, I weighed myself: 179lbs.

All-in-all, the diet was easy and helped undo the month of Prednisone that added a quick 20lbs to my frame in December. (I would have started earlier, but I was out of the country until mid February and wanted to test this when I had a bit more control on my schedule.)

I don’t think, however, it’s sustainable. One of the reasons I stopped was that, in week five (days 28-31) the carb craving was twice what is was compared to the first week and I couldn’t keep myself from having bread. So, I slowly transitioned back to my old ways which have done well with keeping my physique at a constant.

What’s next?

New York City’s newest transient resident, Andrew Hyde (featured in The Four Hour Body), turned me on to Intermittent Fasting and the Paleolithic Diet. I’ll probably start one of these May 1. In the meantime, I’ve procured enough for a PAGG stack for a month.

Stay tuned.

There are too many “Sorry I missed your birthday” cards. This bodes poorly for society. 

Since when did breaking commitments become acceptable social practice? The market for witty proxy apologies is booming.* Diligent and timely communication, thanks in part to cellphones and text messages, gives way to half-assed correspondence and lackadaisical relationship management. 

Enough, already!

For the sake of brevity, let’s get to it:

Gruen’s Rules of Integrity. 

1. Rule: If you say you’re going to do something, do it… even if at great cost to you.
    
2. Rule: If you must break Rule 1 for whatever reason, notify any relevant parties immediately.
   The broken commitment may be due to unforeseen circumstances or prohibitive cost– the reason is less important than the effort. People can sense insincerity.
    
3. Rule: Make up broken commitments as soon as possible.
   Be extra sure not to break that one.
    
4. Rule: Number 2 is the exception, not the rule.
   If you find yourself breaking commitments often, stop making commitments that you will likely break. Learn why you do this, and fix it.
    
5. Rule: Being “flighty” is not an excuse.
   However, pragmatically, it is OK to break commitments with flighty people after they have personally demonstrated their flightiness to you. With these individuals, it’s OK to make other commitments provided you inform the third party of the situation. 
    
6. Rule: Don’t overcommit. Say No.
   Committing to everyone means committing to no one. It’s OK to say ‘no’, or ‘no for now’. 
     
7. Rule: Be Honest.
   Don’t lie. Though, there’s no obligation to speak the entire truth or offer information. 

Succinctly: Be Considerate.

More on this later. (And you can count on that.)

–

*Don’t believe me? Visit your local card store or pharmacy and take notice of “regret” cards.

They’re not quite tourist attractions, but they’re definitely part of the landscape.

Some people just stick out. There’s nothing really notable about some of these people, but if you live in or visit New York City, I’m 90% sure you’ll know at least one if not two of these people by description. These characters aren’t labeled as neatly as the naked cowboy, but they’re definitely identifiable.

1. The bucket drummer (and his wife)
   Usually hanging in Union Square, this guy bangs on buckets loudly. A woman, enamored with his skills, joined him, married him, and now buckets along side. So the story goes.
2. That big homeless guy
   I see this guy everywhere. He wears a brown sweatshirt with blue sweatpants, usually carrying something in a hurry. He’s a white guy, black hair, looks a little like a rounder Richard Kind. Really nice guy. Often seen scurrying around midtown. 
3. The Central Park dancing boxing man
   Take the 60th and 5th ave entrance to the Central Park Loop. Just before the merge, you’ll see an old-school boxer — often with cape — throwing punches or doing warmups. Sometimes, he swings to rocky-style music. Usually seen on weekends.
4. The Kokyu-playing old man on the BDFV line
   He reminds me that I’m on the west side. He sells CDs last time I checked. 
5. The pouting homeless couple
   Always in midtown east, between 45th and madison to 60th and lexington. They sit next to each other, put their heads together, and have a cardboard sign that begs for dollars. Sometimes, their sign rests on a paint can. I think they’re full of shit.
6. Greenway trombonist
   For those who frequent the west-side greenway, north to the George Washington Bridge*, every weekend a shirtless man plays his trombone. He’s actually quite good, but I’ve only heard a few notes as I’m usually flying by on my two-cycle.
7. Vegetable cutter
   Upper east side man in a suit cuts fresh vegetables for you. It’s a bit bizarre.
8. The breakdancing troupe
   Usually performing around Bryant Park and Times Square, these guys breakdance. Watch your belongings! Pickpockets tend to follow these guys around and steal tourists wallets. As such, there’s usually a cop standing nearby. 
9. The drawing War Veteran
   Sits near 19th and Park Avenue South, this man draws. His art is mediocre, but his heart is pure gold.
10. Tarzan
    Frequenting Union Square, this guy’s Tarzan for the 21st century. He must work in construction or something. 

Someone should start a repository for these people. Perhaps that someone is me.

–

*I don’t know if anyone else has noticed, but that area near the GWB never lacks someone sitting there or hanging around. I wonder if it’s undercover surveillance.